Itís your job or me

As the saying goes, behind every successful man, thereís a pushy woman, yet in the drive for gender equality times have changed.

Research from www.jobsite.co.uk, one of the UKís leading online recruiters, reveals 80 per cent of British working couples argue at least once a month about work and these rows have resulted in almost a third of us (31 per cent) taking action and making changes in our working lives.

Overall, working women seem to be suffering the most from a nagging partner, with one in six (16 per cent) feeling pressurised by their other half about their development at work, including pay levels and career progression ñ compared to 14 per cent of men.

For 35 per cent of men whose other half works, one of their key complaints is that their partner is taken advantage of in the workplace, which has perhaps resulted in over a quarter (28 per cent) encouraging their other half to be more assertive, such as speaking up more in meetings. Many men also believe their other half is underpaid (32 per cent) and undervalued (31 per cent).

One result of this partner pressure is that nearly 400,000 women have resigned1 ñ although a further 16 per cent have just ended up feeling irritated by this added stress.

For women with working partners, the main concern is that their partner is unhappy or stressed at work. One in six (15 per cent) brand their partner a workaholic, prompting one in five (20 per cent) women to urge their partner to reduce their working-hours.

On a more personal level, one in 10 (12 per cent) women wants their partner to earn more money so they can move house, support them financially (seven per cent) or start a family (five per cent), prompting over 600,000 men to switch jobs.2

On a positive note, for 34 per cent of couples, career pestering is borne out of a desire to spend more time with their other half enjoying their relationship.

Cheryl Morgan, Jobsiteís Career Counsellor, comments: ìWork is such a big part of peopleís lives that being unhappy doesnít just affect us ñ it impacts our home lives and makes our partners suffer too. On the whole, most nagging partners are just trying to look after our best interests, however there are ways and means of encouraging your partner to evaluate their career options. Instead of relentlessly criticising or nagging, try putting time aside to constructively discuss concerns. If you canít agree a course of action between you, itís often worth turning to third party sources for advice.

ìFor example, personality profiling such as Jobsiteís Personal Profile questionnaire (JPP) can be very useful in helping to understand either what you need to do to change a difficult work situation or whether in fact you should consider changing roles. Similarly, making use of a career advisor, talking to friends who have been in a similar situation, or speculatively visiting a recruiter or online recruitment site can help you to understand what else is out there and how your situation compares to your peersí.î

Top Tips
Career and life coach Michelle Bayley from www.findyourwaycoaching.co.uk has the following advice for people whose partner is piling on the pressure for them to get what they deserve, or for those who think their other half needs some added impetus in their career:

For those people who feel pushed:

ï Think honestly about why your partner is pushing you. As theyíre observing your work situation from the outside it may be that they can see things that you canít

ï Try to remove all outside influences and analyse whether youíre truly happy at work. Thereís nothing wrong with admitting that youíre not and trying to rectify the situation either with your current employer or by getting a new job

ï As difficult as it may seem try to look at it from your partnerís point of view. Being unhappy at work doesnít just affect your own welfare. Your partner can also suffer as a result, which may be why theyíre pushing you to take action

ï If your partnerís being aggressively encouraging, itís probably because theyíre frustrated ñ both for you and because of the knock on effect of your unhappiness on them. Try not to let the way they may be delivering their message put you off from taking action to improve things for yourself

ï Your partner probably knows you better than you know yourself. If they think youíre not being assertive enough, donít dismiss it out of hand. Ask yourself the same question and be honest with yourself

For pushy partners:

ï While you may not have the most positive views of your partnerís work manner, at least youíre talking about it! Try to keep doing so rather than slipping into resentful silence

ï When you feel passionately about something it can be difficult to talk about it in a calm, rational manner but criticising your partnerís work behaviour is likely to offend them and leave them less likely to take your well-meaning concerns on board. Try to have a two way discussion rather than a rant

ï Be constructive ñ if your partnerís facing a difficult conversation with their boss or a colleague, give them the chance to talk it through first with you. And if theyíre thinking about a change of job or career, support and encourage them as they work out whatís best for them

ï Just because your partner doesnít follow the same work ethic as you doesnít mean theyíre in the wrong. Everyone has different objectives and follows different plans for achieving them so only speak up if you think your partner is being unfairly overlooked at work